[nm...hbu]
I don’t really know what’s going on in my life currently. It’s been so weird recently. I have a love/hate relationship with school.
Love: I love the structure of the day. It is beautifully broken up between working and playing and just goofing off and got the ratio pegged down. I love the fantastic minds of the teachers. English teachers who are vibrant to say the least. Math teachers who take math so seriously that it is astonishing. Science teachers who truly enjoy what they do. That’s an incredible thing, having such great teachers. I love the campus, which doesn’t need an explanation. I love the theoretical possibilities of being able to make connections with people in both an individualistic and group situation.
Hate: I dislike (hate is an overpowering word) that I can never seem to make these connections in person. It all has to be done online, when we are living in the past, or in the future. I dislike, or hell, I hate that I’ve become but a shell of the someone who I was before school—that I have to contemplate my decisions beforehand, etc. I would say, “that I have to care about appearance, etc.” but that’s untrue. It’s true for everyone (well, not everyone, but vast majority). I wish these people would loosen up, and just learn to love. To the girls in my grade: please step out of your comfort zones. Not sexually at all, I could care less, but just take some chances and make some new connections. Be crazy. Crazy people are more fun. I think I’m going crazy.
I need to have more fun. Social interactions, and the like. I’m tired of hanging out with nobody, or my dog. Fuck this, I’ll just move to Framingham.
I think I need to start Tumbling again, that should get me back on schedule.
So right now, I’m confused, disorganized, chaotic, out-of-synch. I am optimistic though, I just need somebody to hit me over the head with a pool stick and tell me to wake up, that this is real. This isn’t summer anymore.
